when 
when I look to high school
when I look to the first day of the first semester of public high school some guy I knew tangentially led 
me to a group of weirdos 
where I sat 
every lunch break and so in another lifetime

there's
there's a me 
out there
eating by itself through 
all 
of high school
no concept of what it would 
be missing

so there's a direct line of fallen dominoes stretches from 2025 and 2010

those bones

my skeleton

Feel
Feeling that here
i'm just
my whole self would be 
gone 


don't you see?

my whole everything


you weren't there, probably you had
your own problems and i'd never assume
otherwise
but

I 
I wasn't conscious
before then

I've been trying to Become
I think I have at last a
handhold
Happy 1 month anniversary to a handful of blue pills that might not even work because I can feel my hair or lack thereof as I'm
I'M HERE 
NOW

I'm here

There is a me to be here

I feel half my lifespan in my hands
A single mound of dominoes

"everyone has at least something they'd want to change about their life"

I always thought I did too but
now 

right now I feel the dominoes




---

Dec 18, 2025