I can't tell you how many times I read
A comic where person would meet their future self 
And the third panel is some truth about the universe
Or at least a specific challenge of the day
(Of course that high school course wasn't worth it)

But panel four
A young boy looks into the eyes
Of her older self
And wonders
Why?
How?

Would I have been different?
Would time travel have saved me
Was there a future where I saw myself happy
And transitioned immediately like I thought I would 
Or would I have seen a fine looking man
And felt unexplainable disappointment 


I know
I'm different now
One month in
And yet I feel her
I want to be the woman to travel back
Hear a younger me ask those panel 4 questions
Why?
How?

You know why, champ
It's self-evident at this point
We've played this hypothetical over and over and over and
You know how
Too

How? I eat pills now
How? I live far from family so I can hear myself think 
How? I met people who are queer and happier for it
How? I graduated and pushed myself and got so lucky with jobs and had parents who would fund me and

"How?" is none of those 

The young "boy" asks
How come you're allowed to be happy?
How come I can see you and feel fear instead of hope?
How is our life fair?

Panel 4 always goes unanswered 
An exercise left to the reader
A punchline in empty space

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Dec 19, 2025